


My Favorite Color (Is You)

by notimmortal



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Auras, M/M, People have auras, Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, for plot reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-16 02:03:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13626240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notimmortal/pseuds/notimmortal
Summary: Everyone had an aura, a steady, pulsing color radiating from their body. Most people’s stayed a constant color for all their life, never wavering or changing.Which is why, when Jared Kleinman started noticing his best friend’s aura changing, he was nervous.





	My Favorite Color (Is You)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> This has been an idea I've been working with for a little while. It started out as a soulmates thing but then I didn't like it so it turned into this. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Title taken from "Sober Up" by AJR

Everyone had an aura, a steady, pulsing color radiating from their body. Most people’s stayed a constant color for all their life, never wavering or changing.

 

Which is why, when Jared Kleinman started noticing his best friend’s aura changing, he was nervous.

 

Evan Hansen’s aura was blue. Not just any blue, though, and Jared knew this. It was a deep blue with what seemed like flecks of grey in it. Though the color itself was cool, it made Jared feel warm inside (but, then again, everything about Evan made Jared feel warm inside). 

 

Lately, Evan’s aura had taken a hint of black around the edges.

 

“Hey, Ev, is everything okay?” Jared asked one day while they were playing video games in his room. Evan looked up at him, eyes wide. Realizing how concerned he sounded, Jared backtracked. “Not that I, like, care, or anything. It’s just you seem weirder than usual,” he said, mentally kicking himself when he saw the other boy’s face fall.

 

“No, yeah, I’m… I’m fine, Jared,” Evan said, his voice small. Evan had lacked confidence all his life, but even Jared knew that this was worse than usual.

 

“I… you’d let me know if something was wrong, right?” Jared asked, trying to make things (which he had messed up) better.

 

“Why? So you can make fun of me about them?” Evan asked, sounding more tired than ever. “I’m fine Jared. Let’s just… Actually, I should go.”

 

“I, wait, Ev-” but Evan was already gone before Jared could finish protesting. “Nice one, Kleinman,” Jared said to himself. “You made the boy you love think you hate him. Good job.”

 

It was true, though. Jared had been in love with Evan for forever. But he could never let Evan know that, god no. So he distanced them, calling Evan a family friend, pretending not to care. However, it seemed that things had gone too far.

 

Knowing that the internet must have a solution for this, Jared took out his phone. 

 

_ Aura changing color? _

 

_ What does it mean if an aura changes color? _

 

_ Why does my aura look different? _

 

_ Black edges on aura? _

 

The last one finally gave Jared the answer he was looking for. 

 

_ Black edges on an aura indicate intense emotional distress. As the black takes over, the person in question is closer to the edge. A black in aura can indicate: incurable illness, rapidly approaching natural death, or suicidal intention. _

 

Mentally, Jared ran through everything he knows about Evan’s health. While Evan had a lot of mental health issues, he knew that the rest of Evan was perfectly healthy.

 

_ Suicidal intention. _

 

“No,” Jared said aloud, resisting the temptation to throw his phone across the room. “Not Evan. No no no no no.”

 

But it made so much sense to Jared that it hurt. Evan had been more reserved than ever. He had been spending more time alone. He looked at trees and tall buildings with a glimmer of something in his eyes. He was apologizing even more than usual. He only had Jared and he thought Jared didn’t care. “He thinks I don’t care, no no no no no.”

 

Grabbing his jacket and his keys, Jared raced out of the house. He dialed Evan’s number, putting the phone on speaker while he started the car. 

 

It went to voicemail.

 

Desperate, Jared tried again, trying to think of where Evan would go. He had only come to Jared’s in the first place because Heidi was working late and he didn’t want to be home alone. “Come on, Ev, pick up!”

 

On the fourth try, Evan answered. “What do you want, Jared?” he asked, sounding tired like before, but something else was wrong with his voice.

 

“Ev, were you crying?”

 

“Why do you care?”

 

“Evan, of course I care. Just tell me where you are. Let me help you. Please, Evan, for the love of everything just let me help you.”

 

“I… I’m by the edge of the forest. I just want it to stop, Jared. I just want it all to stop,” And then Evan was crying even harder than before. 

 

“Just hang on, Ev. I’m on my way.”

 

***

 

Jared Kleinman had a green aura.

 

It was the first thing Evan had noticed when their moms introduced the two of them back when they were kids. The green was bright, like a lime, but it didn’t hurt Evan’s eyes like some people’s auras did.

 

Evan thought it was pretty.

 

As they became friends and started spending more time together, Evan found that Jared’s aura was soothing to him. Seeing it made him feel at home.

 

Then their friendship started falling apart.

 

When middle school started, Jared started insisting to people that he and Evan were only family friends. He told people that the two of them only hung out because their moms made them. Suddenly that green radiating around Jared started making Evan feel sick rather than comforted.

 

But he stayed with Jared anyway. Even if they were only family friends, Jared was all Evan had. And while it did hurt sometimes, when they were alone it didn’t feel like they were fake friends. It felt real.

 

Evan couldn’t tell you when he fell in love with Jared. He didn’t realize it until high school, which sucked because that was when Jared really started to push the family friends deal. Evan was good for car insurance, it seemed, and that was all he was good for.

 

Dying started seeming like a better idea to Evan.

 

His mom couldn’t afford him, his classmates didn’t notice him, his only friend didn’t even like him. So what was the point of living?

 

Evan had been so upset when he left Jared’s, left that annoying-yet-comforting green aura. He just wanted to end it all. It’s not like anyone would miss him. Jared definitely wouldn’t.

 

So he made his way to the forest. It was about a 15 minute walk from Jared’s house. Evan was nearing the edge of it when his phone rang the first time.  _ Incoming call: Jared Kleinman _ . Evan ignored the call, looking at the trees in front of him. He wondered to himself how tall the tree would need to be for the fall to be fatal. 

 

His phone rang again.

 

_ Incoming call: Jared Kleinman. _

 

Ignore.

 

_ Incoming call: Jared Kleinman _ .

 

Ignore.

 

_ Incoming call: Jared Kleinman. _

 

“What do you want, Jared?” Evan asked, tears he didn’t know were forming falling down his face.

 

“Ev, were you crying?”

 

“Why do you care?”  _ He doesn’t he doesn’t he doesn’t he doesn’t. _

 

“Evan, of course I care.”  _ Liar _ “Just tell me where you are. Let me help you. Please, Evan, for the love of everything just let me help you.”

 

Evan wanted to hang up. He wanted to tell Jared to fuck off. He wanted to be left alone so he could end it. But more than anything, he wanted Jared here. “I… I’m by the edge of the forest. I just want it to stop, Jared. I just want it all to stop.”

 

“Just hang on, Ev. I’m on my way,” then Jared hung up and Evan was all alone again. Always alone. Because Jared wasn’t really coming, Evan knew that. He wasn’t going to come for Evan, no one was.

 

Evan looked around, picked a tree, and started to climb. 

 

***

 

Evan wasn’t there when Jared got out of his car.

 

_ Suicidal intention. _

 

“Evan!” Jared shouted, racing towards the trees. “Evan, where are you?”

 

“Jared?” Jared head shot upwards to see Evan, sitting on a tree branch. “I… You’re here?”

 

“Evan what the fuck are you doing up there?” The usually bright aura around Evan was almost completely black. “Evan, please, come down from there!”

 

“Just go home, Jared,” Evan called, sounding defeated. “Please.”

 

“No! Ev, I’m not just going to leave you here! You’re not safe here alone!”

 

“I’m not coming down unless I get to fall, Jared.” Jared, against his better judgement, started to climb the tree Evan was in. “Jared, what are you doing?”

 

“You’re not coming down, right? And I’m not about to let you fall, so I’m coming up.”

 

Evan, who knew he could end this if he really wanted to, decided to wait for Jared. He wanted to see Jared one more time, see the bright green surrounding him up close once more. Then he could let go.

 

“I didn’t think you’d wait,” Jared said once he finally reached Evan.

 

“I didn’t think you’d actually come.”

 

Jared winced. “Evan… I’m sorry. I… I let my desire for acceptance get in the way of our friendship. I let people decide how I was going to feel. And it almost killed you. I almost killed you.”

 

“Jared-”

 

“My favorite color is you. That blue that your aura usually is. It’s deep, and surprisingly warm, and perfect. I love how you’re so polite to everyone despite everyone being so shitty to you. I love how your positivity seemed almost endless even when, as it turns out, you were struggling. I love that you’ve stuck with me since we were little even though I am literally the worst human being. I’m sorry for making you feel like you don’t matter because, Evan, you matter more than anyone else in this world. I’m sorry for making you feel unloved because, fuck, Evan, I love you more than anything else in the world. And please, Evan, if you’ll just come down this tree with me I will do everything in my power to make you believe this. Or, if you can’t do this with me because of how I feel about you, I will make sure there is someone who can help you, anyone who can help you. Just, please, don’t… Don’t die on me right now.”

 

Jared was crying. Ugly, messy sobs wracking his entire body. Evan, on the other hand, was completely still. “I… You love me?”

 

“I know you might not believe me,” Jared said through the tears. “But, fuck, Evan, I really do. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t help you before, that I didn’t notice before. I could’ve done something. I should’ve done something. I… I’m sorry. And I know it’s not enough to fix this, to fix how you’re feeling. But it’s a place to start and I will help you in whatever way I can, even if that means walking away after this. But I won’t walk away until I can get you out of here safely.”

 

“Your aura was always calming to me,” Evan said after a moment. “Other auras that bright always hurt my eyes, but not yours. It always made me feel safe, when we were little. It makes me feel safe now. I… I could always sort of tell that the meanness was kind of an act? You were never really like that when we were alone, so I always hoped that it was just a front, you know? But part of me always thought that maybe it was just wishful thinking because I loved you so damn much. I still do. And, you’re right, it’s not enough to change how I’m feeling right now. But it’s a good place to start,” Evan reached out and grabbed Jared’s hand, squeezing it. “I… Can we get out of this tree?”

 

“Oh god, yes.”

 

After they climbed down, Jared pulled Evan into a tight hug. “I’m sorry. I… you almost… I’m sorry and I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Jared,” Evan whispered, tears finally making their way down Evan’s face. 

 

Jared pulled away, grabbing Evan’s hand and leading him back to the car. His aura was still blackened, but less so than when they were in the tree. 

 

Evan squeezed his hand. Things would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated but never required. If you enjoyed this, you can check out some of my other works or visit me on tumblr (ireallyneedabetterusername). I'm always open to prompts and all my ships are in my blog description.


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